A Mother's Day Tribute

When I was a child I occasionally remember hearing my mother say how she hated Mother's Day. I don't know why exactly but I THINK it had to do with the fact that she felt guilty. She didn't feel as if she was doing everything a mother should do. But I can tell you she was. I had an excellent mother who taught me well. Love you mom!

I too hated Mother's Day for many years but for different reasons. The hubs and I were married for 6 years before we became parents. As each Mother's Day rolled around I longed for my chance to become a mother. Now that I am a mother I don't hate Mother's Day. For me it's my one day of the year to NOT feel guilty but to be grateful for my role of mother. In fact this morning was the best. The kids surprised me with breakfast in bed. Their idea. They were so adorable and thanks to the help of my hubs it was really good. They lingered and sampled my eggs and toast. Moose crawled right into bed with me and shared my entire meal. He leaned over and gave me a great big bear hug and said, "Happy Mother's Day!" I said, "Thank you! I love being a mother!" His reply, "And I love being a kid!"

Today I want to pay tribute to 2 amazing women who gave me the opportunity to become a mother. They are probably at a stage in their lives where they might hate Mother's Day as I once did. Again for different reasons. I know that birth mother's don't get the recognition they deserve but for those who sacrificed and put their child's needs above their own I say thank you! Thank you for your selfless sacrifice of love!

So Happy Mother's Day to K and S! The hubs and I are forever indebted. We love you and Kam and Moose love you!

Dumb & Dumber

So remember my post yesterday about not being the sharpest or smartest tool in the shed? Well I do believe I proved it to be true. Did you notice the part when I meant to write how I much enjoyed the show Wipe Out but instead I wrote Wipe It! Yep! It's true. And as much as I hate to admit it it wasn't intentional.

My brothers have been hassling me about it all day. One of their texts said, "How 'bout that new game show "Wipe It" where contestants wipe their A's for prize money? Gruesome but poopular!" The other one wrote, "I hear there's a new show called "Wipe It" that is pretty funny if you need another good laugh. It's about wiping butts!" Such funny and clever fellows aren't they? Give me a day or two and I'll write a post about all the stupid and idiotic things they have ever said and we'll all get a good laugh then won't we?

Did I mention that sometimes my siblings affectionately call me Phoebe? If the boot fits right? I know how the real saying goes but yesterday one of my really smart SIL's was giving me grief about "Wipe It" yesterday. I asked her if I should change it or correct it. She said to do an addendum. I thought she just wanted me to look like an even bigger dork. Her reply was, "if the boot fits!" Okay miss, "hold me closer Tony Danza."

I May Not Be the Smartest Tool In The Shed

I know. I know. The saying is "sharpest tool in the shed." Or maybe you didn't even notice that I DIDN'T use the expression correctly for the title of this post.

I've mentioned before that I never say expressions and sayings correctly. It must run in the family because my sisters and sister-in-laws do the same thing. Mainly my sisters and I, but the SIL's have had a few mix ups too. (I better clarify. It's the SIL's on my side of the family not the hub's side.) The SIL's on my hubs side of the family are, shall I say, a tad smarter in that department. (Well except for one SIL who's name rhymes with Hen and who I know is laughing as she reads this!) Today's post is about the stupid things I say and do.....and the stupid and funny things my sisters and sister-in-laws say and do. I know I really shouldn't drag them into this but they have said some funny stuff over the years. And besides...I'm not naming names. I don't know about you but I love bloopers and outtakes from movies. I think America's Funniest Home Videos is funny. (Most the time.) Wipe It is hilarious if you ask me! I guess I just get a kick out of people making mistakes and looking like an idiot. Mainly because I'm "that" person.

Let's start with me. When I was in high school (I think it was my senior year) I drove an old gold Oldsmobile. It was not cute! The front light on one of the sides was smashed and the best part was the reverse didn't work. (It had a nick name but I shall not share it here.) Whenever I drove it anywhere I had to make sure to pull into a "getaway spot" or a parking stall that I didn't have to back out of. At school I did this but my boyfriend at the time (who shall remain nameless but who I'm married to now) would park his car in front of my car so I couldn't leave. My friends and I had to stand around and wait until he decided to come and move his car. Good times and good memories.

One day my sister and I drove down to the gas station so I could put some air in a flat tire. I had never filled a tire before. I thought that somehow the tire would know when it was full and the air would stop going in. Kinda like when you pump gas. I'm an idiot! Yes, that's right. The tire popped! It was so freaking loud and scared the you know what out of me. I didn't get hurt except that I was temporarily deaf for a few days. My sister was laughing hysterically. I kind of called her some bad names and said bad words to her. She deserved it at the time! Lesson learned: Never put air in your car tires! Let your husband, dad, boyfriend or brother do it for you.

Several years ago when I worked at the bank we hired a new girl. For days I called her Bambi. She never corrected me. Eventually she informed me that her name was Barbie. Doh! They're close enough right? At least they both start with B!

While typing a family email I commented that I had better go check on my daughter next store. Not next "door" but next "store". Oops!

While saying a prayer at a family gathering where we were celebrating a birthday I prayed that we could "worship" so and so on their Birthday.

One day my sister was telling me a story about something someone said or did. She said, "Oh well. I'll just take it with a great assault!" Great Assault huh? Okay you do that sis! This same sis got a round brush stuck in her hair. You know...the ones that look like this:
Oh...you wondered how old she was at the time? Nope. She wasn't 4. Ummm....lets just say she was old enough to drive to my mother's work to have it cut out with a pair of scissors!

Another sister and I were talking about going to a certain store and she said she doesn't like to go because, "It's like dangling a horse in front of a carrot." Poor carrot!

This same sister was wearing a nice set of jewelry when she went to the doctor right after Christmas. One of the nurses there commented on how much she liked her jewelry to which my sister replied. "Oh thanks. My husband stocked my stuffing." What a man!

My sister in law was talking with her grandpa and he remarked how old he was getting. She said, "Grandpa, you're as sharp as a whistle!" Now that's a compliment.

The same said sis-in-law tried calling me for a couple of days never to get a hold of me. She had been calling the wrong number. She also had been getting a voicemail box and leaving messages such as, OMG! WTH? CMB! Eventually a kind girl answered the phone and my SIL said, "Tristin I have been trying to get a hold of you for 2 days. Why aren't you answering your phone?" To which the girl replied, "This isn't Tristin. This is Marcella." To which my SIL said, "Ohhh! Hi Marcella" said in a sassy sarcastic tone. (Still at this time thinking it was me playing a joke on her.) At that point my sis-in-laws other phone started ringing and she told poor Marcella to "have Tristin call me" and hung up. She didn't figure it all out until she started comparing phone numbers with her husband. Poor Marcella was receiving my messages from my crazy SIL for days. (PS. I love you Corky.)

My other sister in law used to listen to the Elton John song "Tiny Dancer" and thought that it said, "Hold me closer Tony Danza." She also thinks that Elton probably wouldn't mind if Tony Danza held him closer.

So as you can see, we may not be the "smartest" or "sharpest" tools in the shed but we're pretty darn funny if I don't say so myself. (Or is it, If I do say so myself?)