Something Old- Always Wear Clean Underwear

It's time again for "Something Old."  This time I pulled a post off of my private family blog.  That was the blog I started when everyone was blogging.  The one where I posted EVERY vacation, event, or picture ever taken of my kids or family.  I lost interest.  It started to feel more like a chore than a hobby.  Not to mention I didn't feel "real."  I felt like I was only showing the "best" of my life.  When in reality not everyday around here is perfect.  Far from it.  So I started this blog.  I enjoy blogging again.  It's fun and therapeutic.  A great place to tell it how it is and keep it real.  I know many of you out there have lost your drive for blogging.  I know because I check your blogs that haven't been updated in months.  I know because I've talked to you and so many feel the same way...blogging has become a chore.  So here's what I suggest.....try a new approach.  Try writing your true, hearfelt feelings.  Blog about what you're passionate about.  Share what you believe and blogging will become fun again.  I loooove to read about real people living real lifes!  It's what keeps me motivated as a wife and mother.  So give it a shot.  Everyone has a story.  Share it!

Here is one of my not so perfect mornings for me.  It's time for school again so this will be a good reminder for all us moms out there.  Enjoy!

Originally posted January 27, 2011

We all know the boy scout motto of "Be prepared." We've also heard the saying, "always wear clean underwear." Little did I know that those 2 phrases would apply to taking your 6 year old daughter to school. 

Twice a week I drive Kam to her school. Which in and of itself is really quite lame considering we live 2 1/2 blocks from the school. She will never be able to tell her kids and grandkids that she walked five miles, uphill, in 10 feet of snow to school and then in the same horrible conditions back home after school. Maybe she can brag about how she had the best mom in the entire world who warmed up the car and drove her those 2 1/2 blocks so she didn't have to freeze. Maybe?

On a normal day I just drive her and her 3 little girlfriends and kick them out at the curb. I don't see anybody, I don't talk to anybody and nobody sees what I'm wearing from my neck down. Until today. The kids hopped out and off they ran. As I flipped around and started my long journey home I noticed Kam on the ground surrounded by some teachers with big tears rolling down her cheek. She saw me and we made eye contact. The look on her face was so sad! I couldn't get to her fast enough. And then I realized what I was wearing. But again, being the great mom that I am I didn't skip a beat, I sucked up my pride (which I don't have much of to begin with), and I ran to her rescue.

She had slipped hard on a patch of ice and had skinned her chin and her knee leaving a hole in her pant leg. Dang! I hugged her and kissed her and comforted her the best I could. I told her about the time when I was in the 9th grade and was booking it to class, I slipped on a patch of ice and landed flat on my face. Literally! When I jumped up the look on my friend's face was pure horror. My first thought was that I was bleeding my brains out. To my relief I wasn't but I had a bump the size of an egg above my right eye. She took me in the office and every person we saw literally gasped at the sight of my face. (Not because they thought I was ugly or anything but because of my injury. I knew I should probably clarify.) I ended up at the hospital later that day for x-rays and such. Fortunately I was fine but just left with a major black eye that lingered for several weeks. I'm not really sure that my sharing of this story comforted her in any way. Pretty sure it didn't but oh well! I tried.

As I talked to her and loved her a lady walked by and asked, "Is everything okay?" It was a simple question but sometimes the weirdest thoughts go through this brain of mine. I was thinking: Is she genuinely concerned or does she think I'm trying to kidnap this beautiful, exotic little girl with brown skin and blond hair who could not by physical appearance be my child? I know! I know! I'm weird! I always over analyze everything! It drives my husband CrAzY! I honestly stumbled upon my words to answer her simple question.

Once Kam was ready I sent her on into the school and I headed back to my car. As I returned to my car I realized that I was a sight to behold. I knew that as I went to rescue my daughter but like I said before I had no pride. Well...that may not be entirely true. I do have a spec of pride left in these bones of mine.

Picture this: red flannel pajama pants that are suppose to be pants but they're somewhere between a pant and a capri. A pantpri! It wasn't pretty! Black, slip on slipper/shoes on my feet. One of the hub's old, big, frumpy sweatshirts with paint stains all over it. Not to mention the name of my high school across the front. (Pretty sure I've been out of high school for 15 years now.) Thankfully it hid the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra. A noticeably large pimple on my nose without a hint of concealer. Black make-up smudges under my eyes from the day before. (That's right. I don't wash my face.) Furry teeth that have yet to be brushed and hair that was frizzy and matted and had yet to be combed. Poor me!

As I drove the 2 1/2 blocks to my house I kept thinking to myself: One must always be prepared. This is why they say you should always wear clean underwear because you just never know what may happen. Lesson learned. But not really because I guarantee I look no different when I take Kam to school tomorrow. What are the chances that I have to get out of my car 2 days in a row? Slim to none right?

Weekend And This Weeks Wrap Up

I just wanted to share a few funny stories from my weekend.  

For me the weekends start on Thursday.  Thursdays are my husband's Fridays.  (He works odd hours.)  They end on Sunday for him but go until Monday for me.  Lucky me! Poor hubby! 

Last Thursday while in the shower my 3 year old came in the bathroom for something, left and closed the door behind him.  No big deal right?  WRONG!  Ya see, our bathroom door has one of those child proof door knob covers on it.  The kind that are suppose to keep little boys out that play in the toilet.  The kind that worked perfectly when the little boy was say, 2 and not potty trained.  The kind that the now 3 year old potty trained little boy has yet to figure out how to open.  I suddenly heard him pounding on the door shouting frantically at me to open it.  I started pounding on the wall for the 7 year old to come to the rescue.  She did.  It was too late.  He came in and said he had pooped on the rug!  Dang!  That child proof item backfired on me!  I felt really bad for him at that moment.  I felt worse when I realized the so called rug was the carpet. 

This is the same little boy who walked into the hitch on our SUV and while giving it a disgusted look I heard him say, "Stupid trucker!"  (I'm just glad he didn't replace the T and the R for another consonant.  He did that once when he was trying to rhyme.  He didn't know it was a bad word.  We had to have a little talk about different words that rhyme with the word duck.)

On Friday I ran some errands kid free.  I grabbed a DC, pumped up the jam, and headed on my way.  I made a few stops and then headed to my tax man's place to drop off some tax information.  (We still have to jump through hoops with our taxes because of our adoptions.  As if we didn't jump through enough when we adopted the children in the first place.  I will say though that I would jump through 500 hoops and a ring of fire if it meant having my 2 little beauties.  They are worth it!  As long s they aren't leaving turds on the rug!)  I got to the our tax man's office and realized I had grabbed the wrong folder.  I drove home and grabbed the right one and headed back.  I got to tax man's office again and was missing 2010 tax info.  Honestly!  I drove home AGAIN and couldn't find the 2010 info.  I called tax man to make sure that it really wasn't there. It wasn't.  I finally found it in a heap of papers that belonged to the hubs.  I headed back to tax man's office for the third time!  I guess the excitement of being kid free took over my brain and it no longer functioned properly.

Sunday we celebrated Father's Day.  I made the hubs a cute little treat that said "World's #1 Dad!"  Kam thought it meant, "World's 1st Dad!"  Cute but that would be wrong!

As we were leaving to head to dinner at my folks the hubs asked me if he looked stupid in his t-shirt and warm-up/lounge pants.  I said no.  He really didn't.  Kam started laughing and said, "Uh ya.  But maybe no one will notice."  He then realized he needed to get back in the house and asked me for the keys to unlock the door.  Kam's reply, "Why?  Are you going to go in and change your awkward pants?"  She's 7 and already embarrassed!  This is the same girl who on that same day told me, "Now that you keep the house clean I can't find anything!"  Never a dull moment!

Last night we had a going away party for my BIL.  He's the one headed off to West Point Military Academy.  We are so proud of him but we will miss him!  When I started dating the hubs he was only 2.  He's grown up before my eyes.  I'm sad to see him go but I'm also very proud! I drove home with a lump in my throat!  Kam's biggest concern is that he will get shot now that he has joined the Army.  I can't seem to help her understand that for now he is just going to school. 

Tomorrow the hubs and I are going on an all day date to Lagoon to celebrate our 13 year wedding anniversary.  It's what fun is!  It's the one and only amusement park here in Utah.  The one where you dream of going with your boyfriend and holding hands and making out on the rides.  The one where you hope your boyfriend wins you the biggest stuffed gorilla known to man.  It ain't no Caribbean Cruise but it will do!  Did I mention we won't have the children?  Holla!  Can't wait!  I'm not as young as I once was so I'm not so sure how I will do on all the roller coasters.  We may be riding the Ferris wheel and bumper cars a lot!

Have a Fab weekend my friends!  

Dumb & Dumber

So remember my post yesterday about not being the sharpest or smartest tool in the shed? Well I do believe I proved it to be true. Did you notice the part when I meant to write how I much enjoyed the show Wipe Out but instead I wrote Wipe It! Yep! It's true. And as much as I hate to admit it it wasn't intentional.

My brothers have been hassling me about it all day. One of their texts said, "How 'bout that new game show "Wipe It" where contestants wipe their A's for prize money? Gruesome but poopular!" The other one wrote, "I hear there's a new show called "Wipe It" that is pretty funny if you need another good laugh. It's about wiping butts!" Such funny and clever fellows aren't they? Give me a day or two and I'll write a post about all the stupid and idiotic things they have ever said and we'll all get a good laugh then won't we?

Did I mention that sometimes my siblings affectionately call me Phoebe? If the boot fits right? I know how the real saying goes but yesterday one of my really smart SIL's was giving me grief about "Wipe It" yesterday. I asked her if I should change it or correct it. She said to do an addendum. I thought she just wanted me to look like an even bigger dork. Her reply was, "if the boot fits!" Okay miss, "hold me closer Tony Danza."

I May Not Be the Smartest Tool In The Shed

I know. I know. The saying is "sharpest tool in the shed." Or maybe you didn't even notice that I DIDN'T use the expression correctly for the title of this post.

I've mentioned before that I never say expressions and sayings correctly. It must run in the family because my sisters and sister-in-laws do the same thing. Mainly my sisters and I, but the SIL's have had a few mix ups too. (I better clarify. It's the SIL's on my side of the family not the hub's side.) The SIL's on my hubs side of the family are, shall I say, a tad smarter in that department. (Well except for one SIL who's name rhymes with Hen and who I know is laughing as she reads this!) Today's post is about the stupid things I say and do.....and the stupid and funny things my sisters and sister-in-laws say and do. I know I really shouldn't drag them into this but they have said some funny stuff over the years. And besides...I'm not naming names. I don't know about you but I love bloopers and outtakes from movies. I think America's Funniest Home Videos is funny. (Most the time.) Wipe It is hilarious if you ask me! I guess I just get a kick out of people making mistakes and looking like an idiot. Mainly because I'm "that" person.

Let's start with me. When I was in high school (I think it was my senior year) I drove an old gold Oldsmobile. It was not cute! The front light on one of the sides was smashed and the best part was the reverse didn't work. (It had a nick name but I shall not share it here.) Whenever I drove it anywhere I had to make sure to pull into a "getaway spot" or a parking stall that I didn't have to back out of. At school I did this but my boyfriend at the time (who shall remain nameless but who I'm married to now) would park his car in front of my car so I couldn't leave. My friends and I had to stand around and wait until he decided to come and move his car. Good times and good memories.

One day my sister and I drove down to the gas station so I could put some air in a flat tire. I had never filled a tire before. I thought that somehow the tire would know when it was full and the air would stop going in. Kinda like when you pump gas. I'm an idiot! Yes, that's right. The tire popped! It was so freaking loud and scared the you know what out of me. I didn't get hurt except that I was temporarily deaf for a few days. My sister was laughing hysterically. I kind of called her some bad names and said bad words to her. She deserved it at the time! Lesson learned: Never put air in your car tires! Let your husband, dad, boyfriend or brother do it for you.

Several years ago when I worked at the bank we hired a new girl. For days I called her Bambi. She never corrected me. Eventually she informed me that her name was Barbie. Doh! They're close enough right? At least they both start with B!

While typing a family email I commented that I had better go check on my daughter next store. Not next "door" but next "store". Oops!

While saying a prayer at a family gathering where we were celebrating a birthday I prayed that we could "worship" so and so on their Birthday.

One day my sister was telling me a story about something someone said or did. She said, "Oh well. I'll just take it with a great assault!" Great Assault huh? Okay you do that sis! This same sis got a round brush stuck in her hair. You know...the ones that look like this:
Oh...you wondered how old she was at the time? Nope. She wasn't 4. Ummm....lets just say she was old enough to drive to my mother's work to have it cut out with a pair of scissors!

Another sister and I were talking about going to a certain store and she said she doesn't like to go because, "It's like dangling a horse in front of a carrot." Poor carrot!

This same sister was wearing a nice set of jewelry when she went to the doctor right after Christmas. One of the nurses there commented on how much she liked her jewelry to which my sister replied. "Oh thanks. My husband stocked my stuffing." What a man!

My sister in law was talking with her grandpa and he remarked how old he was getting. She said, "Grandpa, you're as sharp as a whistle!" Now that's a compliment.

The same said sis-in-law tried calling me for a couple of days never to get a hold of me. She had been calling the wrong number. She also had been getting a voicemail box and leaving messages such as, OMG! WTH? CMB! Eventually a kind girl answered the phone and my SIL said, "Tristin I have been trying to get a hold of you for 2 days. Why aren't you answering your phone?" To which the girl replied, "This isn't Tristin. This is Marcella." To which my SIL said, "Ohhh! Hi Marcella" said in a sassy sarcastic tone. (Still at this time thinking it was me playing a joke on her.) At that point my sis-in-laws other phone started ringing and she told poor Marcella to "have Tristin call me" and hung up. She didn't figure it all out until she started comparing phone numbers with her husband. Poor Marcella was receiving my messages from my crazy SIL for days. (PS. I love you Corky.)

My other sister in law used to listen to the Elton John song "Tiny Dancer" and thought that it said, "Hold me closer Tony Danza." She also thinks that Elton probably wouldn't mind if Tony Danza held him closer.

So as you can see, we may not be the "smartest" or "sharpest" tools in the shed but we're pretty darn funny if I don't say so myself. (Or is it, If I do say so myself?)

Getting Out The Big Guns

The other night at dinner the kids were showing off their muscles. They then started begging their dad to join in. I figured since everybody else was doing it why not show them what I "don't" got. So I flexed my biceps and much to my dismay by daughter starts giggling. Actually I wasn't all that sad. It was pretty funny. When I asked her why she was laughing she said it was because my arms jiggle and truth be told she's right. She's brutally honest and doesn't hold back. Except for when it really matters like the time she swears she didn't hit her brother or told her friend that there were girl pull-ups in her room for her brother because they were the only ones we could find in his size. Very clever cover up little Bug.

Here is a picture I took after I hopped out of the shower and wrapped up in a towel! (I'm kidding for those of you who were doing double takes. If it were me there would be cleavage. Kidding....again!) And speaking of cleavage here is an inappropriate cartoon I found while searching for this picture of jiggly arms.