Adoption: Through The Eyes of an Adoptive Mother

Look at these two little beacons of light in a sometimes dark and dreary world.  They fill my life with joy, hope, and happiness.  They motivate me to do better and be better.  My life has purpose and meaning with them in it.  They are mine through the gift of adoption.  But, not mine and mine alone.  I share them with two beautiful women who brought them into this world.  Some call them birth-mother's.  I call them angels.

In light of recent news regarding adoption I wanted to share my experience from an adoptive parents' point of view.  These are MY feelings.  I don't expect that all adoptive parents share these same feelings.  I know that every adoption is unique and every person experiences something different because of perspective.

For as long as I can remember I have loved children.  As a teenager I took on babysitting jobs not only as a way to earn cash, but because I loved kids.  When my hubs and I were dating and engaged we talked about having a family.  We wanted four or five children.  Never once during those conversations did the idea even cross my mind that we may not get pregnant.  After being married for about six months we decided we would try to start our family.  My immature self expected to get pregnant within the first month.  It didn't happen.  Several months passed and I didn't get pregnant. Finally, after a year I decided maybe I should see a doctor.  At that point I started taking fertility medications, giving myself monthly shots and running numerous tests and procedures.  Months turned into years and still no babies.  There were days my heart ached and the tears flowed freely.  It seemed everyone around me was having babies; friends, sisters, sister-in-laws, cousins.  It was so unfair.  I was mad at God for blessing others with children when I couldn't have one.  I was mad at those single girls who became pregnant because they weren't deserving.  I was mad at the women who lived in poverty, did drugs, or abused their babies and could get pregnant and I couldn't.  Why would God allow such a thing?  Why was I being punished?

Eventually, I realized I wasn't being punished.  I realized too, that good things happen to bad people and I realized that those single pregnant women would be two of the greatest human-beings I would ever meet and love.  Once I decided to realize that God knew what was best was when things started to change.  I'll never forget leaving the University of Utah hospital after meeting with an infertility specialist.  We had two options if we wanted to become parents: IVF (In vitro fertilization) or adoption.  Although I remember crying from disappoint, I also remember a sense of relief  to FINALLY have answers so that we could move forward.  IVF would cost thousands of dollars and we gambled with a 50/50 chance of  ending up with a baby.  We decided we would rather put our money toward adoption.  People ask me if money weren't an issue would we have done IVF.  Probably not.  I was so over being pricked and prodded and medicated.  Infertility med's are not kind.  I gained weight, experienced hot flashes that even a menopausal woman couldn't compete with and was moodier than a premenstrual teenage girl.  On that day we decided adoption was for us and it left me feeling happy, anxious and hopeful.

The road to motherhood was still filled with bumps, twists and turns.
Hoop #1:  Money.  They say money can't buy happiness but in our case it could, and eventually, it did!  We patiently saved and tried to get our finances in order.  We saved to buy a house or a baby; whichever came first.

Hoop #2:  Adoption classes. Ugh! For me this was painfully awkward.  I had no desire to sit around with complete strangers and cry about not becoming pregnant.  By the time we got to this phase I was over infertility.  The last thing I wanted to do was to hash out the feelings I had felt for the past five years.  That, and I prefer grieving in the privacy of my home.

Hoop #3: Paperwork. If you thought buying a house was a lot of paperwork try adoption.   Imagine having to apply for parenthood.  We did exactly that! We submitted bank statements, letters of recommendation, background checks and proof of good health from our doctors.  On top of that we had to talk about our relationship which included intimacy questions and how we deal with conflicts and problems.  The form I hated filling out the  most was the one that included a list of check-boxes where we had to choose what kind of child we would accept.  How about an infant? A toddler?  Hispanic or African-American? A child with birth defects or cerebral palsy?  We weren't talking about choosing what car to buy but a human-being.!  Do you know how guilty I felt leaving certain boxes blank?

Hoop #4:  The home study.  Picture a house inspector making sure your house is clean, sanitary, safe and fit for a child.  Talk about pressure!  Every electrical outlet covered, every cleaning agent out of reach, and fire extinguishers, carbon monoxide, and fire alarms set in place.

Hoop #5:  We WAIT!  The fate of our parenthood was out of our hands.  The only thing left for us to do was pray and spread the word to family and friends.  Did you know that often times that is how adoptive couples find adoptive mothers is word of mouth?  Our birth mothers found us because they knew someone that we knew.  Did you know that the day we moved into our house we received the phone call from the adoption agency that we had been picked to be parents?  The waiting period of being chosen by a birth mother was over but we still had to wait for baby to arrive.

Do you know the roller-coaster of emotions that accompany adoption?  Guilt, joy, heartache, charity, disappointment, loyalty, pressure, and humility just to name a few.  For me, the guilt came from feeling so excited and happy to have this child come home with me and knowing that our dear birth-mother's left empty handed and brokenhearted.  Guilt because I had grown to love these birth-mother's like family.  They became my sisters and I hated to see them ache.  Pressure to be the best mother to these babies in order to not disappointment the birth-mother's and their families. Disappointment came when I wanted to take my sick leave to be with my baby but couldn't because I hadn't actually given birth.  Five weeks of sick leave I had saved, but my employer said no.  They would give me the time off alright, but I couldn't get paid for it.  I felt cheated once again that because I couldn't give birth I didn't have the same rights as all mothers.  Aside from that, I feel humbled to have such a privilege of experiencing adoption and to witness such pure, Christlike love emulated by our birth-mother's, and I will feel forever indebted and loyal to them for their gift and sacrifice.

My point in writing this is not for people to feel sorry for me or any other adoptive couples. It isn't meant to persuade anyone to adopt or place a child for adoption.  My purpose is for people to realize that yes, even though the adoptive couple ends up with the baby they went through a lot to get there.  Even through all the years of heartache and pain, I would go through it again to have met our angel birth mother's and these two little angels that make our world's go round.

TRY

As one of my New Year's Goals I wanted to make an effort to at least (if nothing else) blog once a month.  Here it is at 10:15 PM on January 31st and I'm getting around to it.  But that's just how I roll.  I wouldn't be me if I didn't wait until the last minute. :)

I've been thinking about the past month that has come and gone and first off I must say, Halle-freakin-llujah!  I HATE the month of January.  It's depressing.  It's cold!  It's, well it's just not summer!  February isn't really any better.  March....things are looking on the brights side.  April....better.  May....more better.  June=pure JOY!  So in case you couldn't tell, winter isn't my favorite season.  I like the winter season for maybe November and December and that's about it.  The first few snow flurries are lovely but then I'm done.  And yes, I've lived in Northern Utah my entire life and yes I still don't like the cold.  PS-I hate snow sports too.  Skiing....not a chance!

Like I said...I was reflecting on the past month and what I've been up to, what I've learned, and what I could do different.  Here has what has been on my mind....

A friend of mine has a blog where each day she had a person come and share a 1 word goal for the year.  I had never heard of such a thing but I loved the idea.  It really made me think about the 1 word I would choose if I had a 1 word goal.  The word that continually came to my mind over and over was TRY!  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am NOT consistent!  I start to eat healthy, I suck!  I exercise for a week and then I don't.  I drink more water....and then I live on Diet Coke alone.  I read my scriptures for a month and then I read novels instead.  I try to have a housecleaning schedule but it lasts about a day.  I create a budget and then blow it on trips to McD's for more Diet Coke.  Normally I get super frustrated with myself and give up entirely but this time I'm going to keep TRYING.  I will never accomplish anything in my life if I give up.  So there you have it...I'm going to continue to TRY.  And then maybe one of these days my fat butt will be less fat! 

Also on my mind....I will TRY to live by the motto, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."  Have you ever wondered what would happen if you said something rude about a person in a text message and accidentally sent it to "that" person?  Well learn from my mistakes folks.  I did it and it literally made me sick to my stomach.  I'm sure you can imagine how I felt after I realized that I had hit the send button and it went to the wrong person.  I may have said a few bad words as I pounded on the screen of my phone.  Here's the thing...it wasn't about being caught for saying something rude.  It was about hurting that person's feelings.  This person is one of my best friends and I hated the fact that I knew I had made her feel bad. 

I know you want to know what I said.  You do don't you????  I won't tell you what I said but I wasn't name calling, or totally and completely bashing the person.  I basically said I was annoyed with her.  Well, not basically.  That is exactly what I said and I said it to them.  In a text.  In a text meant for my husband.  How do you recover hurtful words that are said?  You really can't and it totally sucks!  I have apologized and shown up at her house with a peace offering and I think in time things will be just fine!  She is seriously one of the kindest, caring people I know and she would do anything for me.  Which is what she was doing at the time I called her annoying.  I cried about it all day yesterday.  My husband called several times from work to check on me and showed up that night with my favorite treat, chocolate covered cinnamon bears.  It seems to me I have to learn all lessons the hard way but I guess as long as I learn that is all that matters.  My mom jokingly once said that I could use a filter.  I laughed about it.  She wasn't being mean.  She was right.  Those who know me, REALLY know me, know that sometimes I just say whatever comes into my head and sometimes it's out of line.  Sometimes it's funny but still out of line!  And other times...like in my text...not so funny!  On a side note:  When I used to work as a teller at the bank I always wished I could wear a shirt that said, "I'll start being nice when you quite being stupid."  See...and people think I'm so kind and sweet all the time.  It's not so.  And really, if you dealt with some of the dear souls I waited on at my job you would have wanted to borrow my shirt too.  But I'm going to TRY!  And PS....just because I sent a mean text doesn't make me fake.   I really do try to be a kind person.  I just made a bad choice.

Lastly....my hub's got a new job!  He has worked in law enforcement for the past 10 years.  I have wanted to do a blog post about being the wife of a police officer for the longest time but haven't for safety reasons.  Now I think it's time.  Unless you have had a family member in work in law enforcement you really won't understand how it can effect a person and a family. I am so proud of all he has done to keep our community a safer place.  He worked so hard and took a lot of pride in what he did.  As we packed up all his uniforms today strangely it made me sad.  Change, even if it's good change is sometimes hard for me and I guess that is one of those times.  But good things await us.  I know it!  And we are very blessed.  As for that blog post about law enforcement....I'll save that for another time.  Like next month.  Or next year.  Or whenever I get around to it.  But I will TRY!  

Something Old- Always Wear Clean Underwear

It's time again for "Something Old."  This time I pulled a post off of my private family blog.  That was the blog I started when everyone was blogging.  The one where I posted EVERY vacation, event, or picture ever taken of my kids or family.  I lost interest.  It started to feel more like a chore than a hobby.  Not to mention I didn't feel "real."  I felt like I was only showing the "best" of my life.  When in reality not everyday around here is perfect.  Far from it.  So I started this blog.  I enjoy blogging again.  It's fun and therapeutic.  A great place to tell it how it is and keep it real.  I know many of you out there have lost your drive for blogging.  I know because I check your blogs that haven't been updated in months.  I know because I've talked to you and so many feel the same way...blogging has become a chore.  So here's what I suggest.....try a new approach.  Try writing your true, hearfelt feelings.  Blog about what you're passionate about.  Share what you believe and blogging will become fun again.  I loooove to read about real people living real lifes!  It's what keeps me motivated as a wife and mother.  So give it a shot.  Everyone has a story.  Share it!

Here is one of my not so perfect mornings for me.  It's time for school again so this will be a good reminder for all us moms out there.  Enjoy!

Originally posted January 27, 2011

We all know the boy scout motto of "Be prepared." We've also heard the saying, "always wear clean underwear." Little did I know that those 2 phrases would apply to taking your 6 year old daughter to school. 

Twice a week I drive Kam to her school. Which in and of itself is really quite lame considering we live 2 1/2 blocks from the school. She will never be able to tell her kids and grandkids that she walked five miles, uphill, in 10 feet of snow to school and then in the same horrible conditions back home after school. Maybe she can brag about how she had the best mom in the entire world who warmed up the car and drove her those 2 1/2 blocks so she didn't have to freeze. Maybe?

On a normal day I just drive her and her 3 little girlfriends and kick them out at the curb. I don't see anybody, I don't talk to anybody and nobody sees what I'm wearing from my neck down. Until today. The kids hopped out and off they ran. As I flipped around and started my long journey home I noticed Kam on the ground surrounded by some teachers with big tears rolling down her cheek. She saw me and we made eye contact. The look on her face was so sad! I couldn't get to her fast enough. And then I realized what I was wearing. But again, being the great mom that I am I didn't skip a beat, I sucked up my pride (which I don't have much of to begin with), and I ran to her rescue.

She had slipped hard on a patch of ice and had skinned her chin and her knee leaving a hole in her pant leg. Dang! I hugged her and kissed her and comforted her the best I could. I told her about the time when I was in the 9th grade and was booking it to class, I slipped on a patch of ice and landed flat on my face. Literally! When I jumped up the look on my friend's face was pure horror. My first thought was that I was bleeding my brains out. To my relief I wasn't but I had a bump the size of an egg above my right eye. She took me in the office and every person we saw literally gasped at the sight of my face. (Not because they thought I was ugly or anything but because of my injury. I knew I should probably clarify.) I ended up at the hospital later that day for x-rays and such. Fortunately I was fine but just left with a major black eye that lingered for several weeks. I'm not really sure that my sharing of this story comforted her in any way. Pretty sure it didn't but oh well! I tried.

As I talked to her and loved her a lady walked by and asked, "Is everything okay?" It was a simple question but sometimes the weirdest thoughts go through this brain of mine. I was thinking: Is she genuinely concerned or does she think I'm trying to kidnap this beautiful, exotic little girl with brown skin and blond hair who could not by physical appearance be my child? I know! I know! I'm weird! I always over analyze everything! It drives my husband CrAzY! I honestly stumbled upon my words to answer her simple question.

Once Kam was ready I sent her on into the school and I headed back to my car. As I returned to my car I realized that I was a sight to behold. I knew that as I went to rescue my daughter but like I said before I had no pride. Well...that may not be entirely true. I do have a spec of pride left in these bones of mine.

Picture this: red flannel pajama pants that are suppose to be pants but they're somewhere between a pant and a capri. A pantpri! It wasn't pretty! Black, slip on slipper/shoes on my feet. One of the hub's old, big, frumpy sweatshirts with paint stains all over it. Not to mention the name of my high school across the front. (Pretty sure I've been out of high school for 15 years now.) Thankfully it hid the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra. A noticeably large pimple on my nose without a hint of concealer. Black make-up smudges under my eyes from the day before. (That's right. I don't wash my face.) Furry teeth that have yet to be brushed and hair that was frizzy and matted and had yet to be combed. Poor me!

As I drove the 2 1/2 blocks to my house I kept thinking to myself: One must always be prepared. This is why they say you should always wear clean underwear because you just never know what may happen. Lesson learned. But not really because I guarantee I look no different when I take Kam to school tomorrow. What are the chances that I have to get out of my car 2 days in a row? Slim to none right?

The World Still Needs Pioneers-Something True

Today is Pioneer Day in my home state of Utah.  We celebrate Pioneer Day to commemorate the pioneers that came before us and settled in Utah. 

I am a descendant of the pioneer William Clayton who was an early leader in the Latter Day Saint movement.  He was also a clerk and a scribe to the prophet Joseph Smith, Jr.  If you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints you will most likely know the song he wrote entitled, "Come, Come, Ye Saints."  He wrote the song when he was out on the plains and received word that his wife who was still in Nauvoo had given birth to a healthy baby boy.

I am very grateful for those who went before me and sacrificed greatly so that I could have what I do today!  No matter what religion you are, you too are a descendant of a pioneer.  A pioneer is someone who prepared the way or was the first to explore or develop something.  Someone who provided us a way to follow.  None of us would be where we are today if it weren't for the pioneers who came before us.

"With the complex issues facing our families and our friends, our citizens, our state, our neighbors, our nation, [and] the world, may we remember pioneers of an earlier day,” said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.   He noted that early pioneers “persevered against injustice, misunderstanding, some intolerance, occasional bigotry, occasional racism, against differences of custom and traditions and faith, [and] labored against all of that to carve out for us, their descendants, the wonderful day and the marvelous miraculous time in which we live.”

 “We owe the same pioneering, persevering legacy to our children and our children’s children.”

“People working together are more successful, more prosperous and much more happy than neighborhoods or ethnic groups or religious faiths that are suspicious of one another, threatened by one another, and all too often hostile, even violent, toward one another,” he said.

I believe the world still needs pioneers today.  We can continue to be pioneers by standing up for what we believe is right and true and preparing a way for the future generations. 

This is what I know to be TRUE!

Celebrating Freedom

FREEDOM to watch our local fireworks as a family!

I took my kids to pick out a treat and drink of their choice to take to the fireworks.  We picked a spot, laid out a blanket, sprayed on some mosquito repellent and got cozy.  The fireworks began and Kam was busy doing what looked to be a stripper dance around the tree in front of us.  (Seriously? Do they show those kinds of things on iCarly?) Myles picked chunks of grass and threw them on everyone.  The hubs and I can't figure out why we even left our front yard.  Next year we'll stay home, put a blanket on the lawn, turn off all the lights and let them dance and pick grass in the comfort of our own yard.

FREEDOM to camp out in Nana and Papa's backyard.

FREEDOM to go to the 4th of July parade as a family!

FREEDOM to sit wherever the heck we wanted.  (Even if it meant the people behind us couldn't see and we blocked a crosswalk entirely.)

FREEDOM to play in Nana and Papa's backyard!

The kids were in heaven!  Why wouldn't they be?  There were 2 trampolines...

....a kiddy car wash,
(Squint real hard.  It's in the background.  My brother made it out of PVC pipe.  It was adorable.  There was water squirting out and sponges and streamers hanging down.)

a miniature water slide,

and this huge blow up ball that the kids had a "ball" rolling around in!  (Pun intended.)

Moose being Moose!  Up and Over. On. Jumping Back Off!

FREEDOM to play MINUTE TO WIN IT!

FREEDOM to light our own fireworks as a family!

FREEDOM to spend time with cousins!

FREEDOM to visit with my grandparents and my children's Great Grandparents!

I love this picture!  The picture on the left my niece snuck into the picture.  Look how annoyed Kam is.  Picture on the right...no niece.  Now look how happy Kam is.

I am so thankful to live in the country that I love and for the FREEDOM that I enjoy!  I'm especially grateful for the past, the present and the future men and women who sacrifice all that they have to keep our country free!

 

God Bless The USA!

Something Old and Something New

Holy Cow!  Life is just busy but summer is the busiest!  I am soooo behind on EVERYTHING!  Blogging included.  Let's just say it hasn't been high on the priority list.  We have been having too much fun spending time with family and playing lots!  I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I skipped doing my "Something Old" post that should have been done last week and my "Something New" for this week.  So here you go....

Something Old:

I thought that since it was still summer and maybe some have yet to go on a family vacation (like moi) I would throw out this OLD family favorite to make your travels a little more enjoyable and bearable. 

I grew up in a family of 5 kids.  I'm the oldest of the 5.  We are each only 1 year apart.  My mom had me at the age of 21 and was done having babies by 26.  She's amazing!  If that had happened to me.....well I don't even know.  (Obviously it didn't and I'm waaaay beyond the age of 26 and I'm like soooo over birthing kids!)  Imagine traveling in a station wagon or small mini van with 5 kids for a long period of time.  Not fun right?  So as kids my mom or my grandma would pack us little gift bags with surprises to open along the way.  As a kid I remember how exciting and fun it was and how funny it was when one of my brothers received a girl prize and how ticked they were. 

Last fall some friends of ours were moving across the country and traveling in a car with 4 little kids.  My hubs and I decided we would like to do something to help so we went to the Dollar Store and loaded up on prizes. 

We took them home, wrapped them up and threw them in a bag.  I labeled each prize as a girl or boy prize so they wouldn't have any of the drama that we did as kids.  And just to be mean we bought a harmonic that we knew would drive the parents bananas.  Maybe that defeated the entire purpose of our kindness right there. 

You could play games such as: I Spy, or the licence plate game where they have to find a license plate from every state.  They could color, or sing, or read.  In between each activity and every hour or so they could open a prize. 

Several years ago my entire family (parents, brothers, spouses and kids) went to the Oregon Coast for a vacation.  It is a 13 to 14 hour drive by the time you stop 500 times for potty breaks.  I actually did the travel prizes for my daughter who was 3 at the time and she looooved it!  It helped a TON!  Another fun idea if you're caravaning together is to bring hand held radios to communicate with each car.  The kids will think it is the coolest thing EVER!  And to be honest....it's fun for the adults too. 

So there you go!  Happy and Safe travels!

Something New:

So I was trying to think of what I have done that is new and I was struggling.  But then I remembered I read a really good book just this past week that was "new" to me.  It's called ROOM by Emma Donoghue. 

This book is told from the perspective of a 5 year old boy named Jack.  He has lived his entire life in an 11 X 11 foot room with his mother.  The only person he knows is his mother and a disturbing night time visitor he calls Old Nick.  His mother has been held captive in this particular room since the age of 19. 

The way the story is told from the perspective of a 5 year old was very clever and the games, activities, and ways that Jack's mother taught her son while imprisoned in that room were genius. I loved it!  And if you're worried that it may be too graphic don't.  This story is told through the innocent eyes of a child.  It truly was fascinating!  It's a must read!

Weekend And This Weeks Wrap Up

I just wanted to share a few funny stories from my weekend.  

For me the weekends start on Thursday.  Thursdays are my husband's Fridays.  (He works odd hours.)  They end on Sunday for him but go until Monday for me.  Lucky me! Poor hubby! 

Last Thursday while in the shower my 3 year old came in the bathroom for something, left and closed the door behind him.  No big deal right?  WRONG!  Ya see, our bathroom door has one of those child proof door knob covers on it.  The kind that are suppose to keep little boys out that play in the toilet.  The kind that worked perfectly when the little boy was say, 2 and not potty trained.  The kind that the now 3 year old potty trained little boy has yet to figure out how to open.  I suddenly heard him pounding on the door shouting frantically at me to open it.  I started pounding on the wall for the 7 year old to come to the rescue.  She did.  It was too late.  He came in and said he had pooped on the rug!  Dang!  That child proof item backfired on me!  I felt really bad for him at that moment.  I felt worse when I realized the so called rug was the carpet. 

This is the same little boy who walked into the hitch on our SUV and while giving it a disgusted look I heard him say, "Stupid trucker!"  (I'm just glad he didn't replace the T and the R for another consonant.  He did that once when he was trying to rhyme.  He didn't know it was a bad word.  We had to have a little talk about different words that rhyme with the word duck.)

On Friday I ran some errands kid free.  I grabbed a DC, pumped up the jam, and headed on my way.  I made a few stops and then headed to my tax man's place to drop off some tax information.  (We still have to jump through hoops with our taxes because of our adoptions.  As if we didn't jump through enough when we adopted the children in the first place.  I will say though that I would jump through 500 hoops and a ring of fire if it meant having my 2 little beauties.  They are worth it!  As long s they aren't leaving turds on the rug!)  I got to the our tax man's office and realized I had grabbed the wrong folder.  I drove home and grabbed the right one and headed back.  I got to tax man's office again and was missing 2010 tax info.  Honestly!  I drove home AGAIN and couldn't find the 2010 info.  I called tax man to make sure that it really wasn't there. It wasn't.  I finally found it in a heap of papers that belonged to the hubs.  I headed back to tax man's office for the third time!  I guess the excitement of being kid free took over my brain and it no longer functioned properly.

Sunday we celebrated Father's Day.  I made the hubs a cute little treat that said "World's #1 Dad!"  Kam thought it meant, "World's 1st Dad!"  Cute but that would be wrong!

As we were leaving to head to dinner at my folks the hubs asked me if he looked stupid in his t-shirt and warm-up/lounge pants.  I said no.  He really didn't.  Kam started laughing and said, "Uh ya.  But maybe no one will notice."  He then realized he needed to get back in the house and asked me for the keys to unlock the door.  Kam's reply, "Why?  Are you going to go in and change your awkward pants?"  She's 7 and already embarrassed!  This is the same girl who on that same day told me, "Now that you keep the house clean I can't find anything!"  Never a dull moment!

Last night we had a going away party for my BIL.  He's the one headed off to West Point Military Academy.  We are so proud of him but we will miss him!  When I started dating the hubs he was only 2.  He's grown up before my eyes.  I'm sad to see him go but I'm also very proud! I drove home with a lump in my throat!  Kam's biggest concern is that he will get shot now that he has joined the Army.  I can't seem to help her understand that for now he is just going to school. 

Tomorrow the hubs and I are going on an all day date to Lagoon to celebrate our 13 year wedding anniversary.  It's what fun is!  It's the one and only amusement park here in Utah.  The one where you dream of going with your boyfriend and holding hands and making out on the rides.  The one where you hope your boyfriend wins you the biggest stuffed gorilla known to man.  It ain't no Caribbean Cruise but it will do!  Did I mention we won't have the children?  Holla!  Can't wait!  I'm not as young as I once was so I'm not so sure how I will do on all the roller coasters.  We may be riding the Ferris wheel and bumper cars a lot!

Have a Fab weekend my friends!  

Something True- Everyone Is Fighting A Battle

This week is the one when am suppose to be doing my "Something True" from my "Something Old, New, Borrowed, True Series."  But that darn thing called life sometimes gets really super busy.  Sometimes I get really super lazy and other times I am not in any super mood to write.  Because of that I have neglected doing this post until now.  I know I could skip doing the post if I wanted to. After all, this is my blog.  But here's the thing....I've mentioned before how I am a noncommittal type person.  This is something I really want to stay committed to.  So as my day is coming to an end I have had the nagging feeling that I need to do this post knowing that tomorrow I won't be able to.   I've known what I have wanted to write.  I believe it to be true so here it is. 

EVERYONE IS FIGHTING A BATTLE!

Do you ever start comparing yourself to others?  Do you ever compare your house to others? Your car? Your body, hair, weight? Your financial situation?  I know I do.  If I said I didn't I would be lying.  I know we aren't suppose to covet and be jealous of others but I'm only human.  It's bound to happen.  I'm getting better though the older I get.  Hopefully by the time I reach my old age I'll be happy with my wrinkles, dentures and wheelchair and won't be comparing myself to the other granny's in the nursing home. 

When my hubs and I first got married we were young, and dumb, and trying really hard to keep up with our friends.  I don't know if we recognized what we were doing at the time.  Needless to say we ended up in a bit of a bad financial situation.  I remember talking to my dad about it once and he asked me the question, "What do you have to show for it?"  (Meaning the debt.)  The answer:  Nothing!  Absolutely nothing but a bunch of headache and stress!  No new car, no new house, not a closet full of fancy clothes, no elaborate vacations, no nice furniture.  Absolutely NOTHING!  We piddled our nonexistent money away and were faced with the task of trying to dig ourselves out of a hole.  We learned A LOT from that experience!  Not comparing and competing with others was one of the lessons I STARTED to learn.  But that was only the beginning.

As time went by we decided we wanted to start a family.  After years and years of trying to get pregnant and not being able to I think we would have nearly given up every earthly possession to become parents.  Again, I started comparing myself to others.  I thought things such as, "Why do they get to have kids?  They don't even take care of the ones they already have" or "They are so lucky.  Not only are they filthy rich but they get pregnant so easy!"  Yep!  I admit it!  I was a total brat and had those thoughts!  I feel bad for it now!  I can now say that I don't harbor those same feelings that I once did.  I no longer have that ache and longing to become a mother.  I have a beautiful daughter and adorable son who have brightened my entire world thanks to the miracle of adoption.  I know now that I didn't need to get pregnant to be a mother. Adoption is NOT second best!  For me it was the BEST!

So here's the thing:  I was dealing with the battle of infertility while another person could get pregnant easily but didn't know how they were going to pay their bills.  Or maybe my friends were filthy rich but not happily married.   Maybe my friend had the most amazing body but suffered with severe depression.  Do you see what I'm saying?

EVERYONE IS FIGHTING A BATTLE!

Some are minor.  Some are fighting a World War!  Some haven't fought yet but will. 

I wish I could say that I no longer compare myself to others but I can't.  I have bad days!  I forget that someone, somewhere has it worse than I do.

I've had my battles.  I survived!  There will be more to come and I will fight!  But this I know...I wouldn't trade my battles with anyone.  They have made me stronger.  And like I said before, someone is always fighting a harder, more difficult battle than my own.  The only thing I can do then is reach out and help them fight and hopefully help them win!

Moments That Matter

Take the 3 minutes it takes to watch this.  It gave me goosebumps.  I need reminders like this often to remind me of what is truly important.

 

Have a fabulous weekend!

Something Borrowed

My SIL who is a 5th grade teacher (God bless her soul) gave me this gift idea for my daughter's teacher.  I purchased a water bottle, a cute little ice tray, and some drink mix.  I wrapped it up in cellophane and tied it with some rick rack. It looked really cute.  You're just going to have to take my word for it though because I don't have a photo of the finished product.  My camera is a piece of poo remember?  Want to know a little secret?  Cellophane makes a simple, plain, ordinary gift look fab!  Try it!

We attached a cute note that said:

"Thank you for "QUENCHING" Kam's "THIRST" for knowledge!

Isn't that adorable?  Thanks SIL for the great idea!

I know that school is over but the gift idea itself would be really cute to give someone this summer.

You could say:

Stay cute and "COOL!"  Have a great summer!  Save some guys for me! 

(Okay...so maybe leave off the "save some guys for me" part.  I was just having flashbacks of when I signed yearbooks in junior high and high school.)

Or better yet...if your sayings are as lame as mine just give the gift wrapped adorably in cellophane.

This is another idea along the same lines that we gave our kids birth mom's last year for Mother's Day!  

I started with a container of Great Value drink mix equivalent to Crystal Light.  (I promise this is one time that the no name is as good as the name brand.)

 

I wrapped it in some cute scrapbook paper, put it in a cute bucket with an ice tray and a sparkly butterfly pick.  I also threw in some chocolates that you can't see.

Wrapped it up in the magical cellophane, tied it with a ribbon, and it's ready to be gifted!  See how cute the cellophane made it?

(This one was put in a basket instead of a bucket.)

Enjoy your summer!  And remember...You are totally rad and 2 Cute 2 B 4 Gotten! 

Weekend Wrap Up

I wanted to do a weekend wrap up last weekend but never got around to it.  Oh well!  At least I'm getting around to it this weekend. 

Friday the hubs, the kids and I went to lunch at one of our favorite spots Wingers.  The kids love the popcorn and I love the creamy amazing sauce.  What's not to love?!  We then spent the remainder of the afternoon preparing for a garage sell we were planning to have the following day.  We hauled all our trash (soon to be someone else's treasure) a few miles to my BIL and SIL's house where we planned to have the sale.  We organized, sorted, and priced our items and then called it a night.

The following morning I woke up at 6:30 and thought to myself, "So this is what 6:30 AM looks like?  Who knew?"  I don't do mornings!  I'm more of a night owl.  I was running a bit behind schedule and hadn't had much sleep so stopped at McD's for a DC and decided to try their fruit and maple oatmeal.  Holy goodness Batman!  And not just because I was washing it down with a Diet Coke.  It really was good! 

Our garage sale started at 8:00 AM.  It started slow and then gradually business picked up and then slowed down again.  People kind of trickled in and out all day.  We weren't as successful as we had hoped so we decided we should have another sale next Saturday.  Apparently not everyone realized how valuable our crap really is so we want to give them another chance to purchase.  This time we are changing our location to a busy street where we're sure our sales will sky rocket!

I did learn a thing or 2 about people at our sale.  I learned how attached we become to "stuff."  My hubs was having the most difficult time parting with a receiver that he had bought at least 17 years ago.  He paid over $300 for that thing and it was in perfect condition. (This is what he told me)  We used to lay on his bed when we were dating and listen to the radio with that receiver.  (Note to self: Never let daughter lay on her boyfriend's bed and listen to the radio.  Better yet...don't let daughter have a boyfriend!)   It pained him to let it go for a measly $15 bucks!  As I was laying stuff out to sell I noticed myself putting some stuff back in my car.  I couldn't bear to let it go quite yet.  Can you say hoarder?   

The thing that surprised me the most is the junk that people are WILLING to pay for.  We thought for sure our clothes and baby clothes would be the first things gone!  We're talkin' nice, well taken care of clothes.  Name brand even.  Oh no!  We wondered if some of our items would really even sell.  We wonder no more!  If you ever think to get rid of toys that your children get from a kids meal don't do it! They're big sellers!  Jewelry=Hot items!  My favorite is how my SIL told me that she sold some earrings to a lady and the lady put them in her ears immediately.  Wow!  I think I would have at least taken them home and doused them with alcohol first!  If nothing else you should try having a garage sell for pure entertainment.

Oh....and Kam sold homemade brownies and rice krispie treats!  She ran out within 15 minutes.  One man bought 8 and her grandma bought 10.  At first she seemed annoyed that she ran out so quickly.  I had to explain to her that she made $12 bucks in 15 minutes.  It had taken me 2 hours to make the same amount!

We snuck out of the sale a tad early to attend my Gpa's 97th Birthday Party!  It was great to be able to see my grandpa and all my other family members.  We ate lunch, played games and then had Birthday cake.  That's after we sang to him and told him to blow out his candles that were nonexistent.  We're mean!  He's practically blind so it made no difference!

Sunday I took the kiddo's to church.  (The hubs was at work.) We were late!  Kam was ticked that we had to go because "church is sooo boring."  And, "why do we have to wear dresses to church?"  And whine whine whine!  Moose just runs away when it's time to get dressed or comb hair.  When I do finally catch him and try to change his clothes he is constantly flopping and jumping all over the place.  I don't know how many times I've been headbutted while getting him dressed!  By the time we made it to church I was NOT in the mood to be there!  By the time I left I was much happier!

On Sunday my man and I celebrated 13 years of marriage.  I guess I wouldn't say we celebrated anything!  Basically we said, "Happy Anniversary!  Love you!"  It was just like any other day.  Pretty pathetic!  On a happy note we do have something fun planned in a few weeks to really celebrate.  I'm looking forward to it! 

Sunday evening we had family pictures with my hub's side of the family.  Pictures give me stress!  It's so hard making sure everybody matches and stays clean.  I about died when I heard the hubs tell Moose that he could have a Snickers bar as soon as he was dressed and ready for pictures!  Really?  And what would make a person think that giving a chocolate bar to a 3 year old right before pictures is a good idea?  By the time we made it there the hubs and I were in a fight (which had nothing to do with Snicker's bars) and the last thing I wanted to do was smile let alone be near him holding his hand!  After a minute to calm down we were fine and happily smiled for the camera.  We even held hands!

Did I mention there were 23 of us there for pictures?  10 of those 23 being kids.  Talk about chaos!  Following pictures gma and gpa treated us to to ice cream and Diet Coke!

Lastly a funny story from the Mooser:

He is obsessed with saying Booyah!  He says it all day long!  I asked him where he learned it and he said, "Jesus.  I heard Jesus say, Booyah!"  Wow!  Who knew?  Even Jesus knows a 'lil bit o slang!

Overall it was a nice weekend!  My house is trashed and I have my work cut out for me today!  Wish me luck!

13 Things I've Learned in 13 Years of Marriage

Today I've been married to my man for 13 years!  Our wedding day seems so long ago to me.  So many things have happened in 13 years.  My hubs lost his hair, we both gained a few (okay a lot) of pounds, we became parents, we bought a home, we've worked many jobs, we've traveled, we've shouted, laughed, cried and laughed some more.  Life has been good to us and I've learned a lot!

1) You can't change your spouse.  You can only change you!  I remember my mom telling me that early in my marriage.  I learned this truth early.  It was still a difficult reality to accept!

2) Couples that pray together stay together.

3) "Many people, if they were to treat other people as they treat their spouses would soon have not a friend in the world.  Why it is assumed that marriage is more impervious to the effects of discourtesy than friendship, I do not know...." -Jo Coudert

This is one of my most favorite quotes EVER!  It hangs on my fridge and it is TRUE!  Do you ever catch yourself speaking rudely to your hubs (or even kids) and then the phone rings or someone knocks at the door, you answer it and you're as sweet as can be?  Not that we should answer it and speak rudely to our friends and neighbors but maybe we should reevaluate how we speak to our family. 

4) Never say NEVER!  Never say ALWAYS!  This is one my husbands biggest pet peeves.  "You NEVER do this or you NEVER do that!"  "You ALWAYS make me do everything or you ALWAYS make me feel like crap!"  You get the idea.  (I've noticed that those same words strike a nerve with my daughter too.)

5)  Write it in a letter.  Sometimes (well most all the time) when I'm angry I will say things I shouldn't have said.  I also get flustered easily and have a difficult time communicating how I feel.  If I give myself time to cool down and think it over it makes a big difference!  Lately I've sent the hubs an email explaining how I feel.  I try not to be rude, but I'm honest and express my feelings to him.  I don't think it comes across as harsh and the hubs seems to receive it better.  There is a blog I looove where a gal and her husband do a weekly segment called "Dear Dave + April".  They each write a letter to each other sharing how they feel and what they can do better to strengthen their marriage.  I love to read their honesty and to know that nobody has the perfect marriage.  We can only keep trying and working at making it better.

6) Be Best Friends!  The first time the hubs and I hung out was in high school.  The first time we hung out we weren't on a date.  We whip creamed and saran wrapped our U.S. Government student teacher's car.  (I prefer not to explain at this point but let's just say he deserved it!  The perv!)  We went and had a ton of fun together and there wasn't the weird stress of impressing each other because we weren't on a so called "date."  Later when we went on our first date it wasn't weird or awkward.  (Except that I was convinced that I was taller than he was.)  We were best friends from the get go.  When he left on a mission I felt lost.  I could and still can tell him everything.  (Well, almost everything.  Sometimes it's better if he doesn't know how much the grocery bill totaled.)  The best part is when I'm with my hubs I can be myself! 

7) Show your man affection!  Compliment him.  Tell him he's hot!  Hold his hand!  Bust a move!  Smother him with kisses!  Praise him when he loads the dishwasher.  Men are babies and they need the recognition.

8) Go on dates!  This one is tough!  Let's be honest....it's a hassle finding a sitter and making arrangements but it's so worth it and most of all it's important!  And....it's good for the kids to know that our marriage is important.  If your kids are like mine the beg us to go out so they can have a babysitter.  Along those same lines an overnight away is awesome too.  Two years ago my man took to Island Park for our anniversary.  We laughed a TON and had a blast!  Although we missed the kids it was nice to be kid free and just enjoy each other for the weekend.  We need to do that again!  We are WAY overdue! 

9) Don't fight in front of the kids!  They will hate it and they might even tell your mother!  Not only that, they will pick up words such as Jerk and A-hole!

10) No Name Calling

11) Don't agree to help with something and then grumble and complain the entire time you're doing it.  (Unless of course he can't hear you.)

12) If your husband snores so loud your kids think there are 4 wheelers driving by then he should go to a sleep lab and have a sleep study performed.  They will put him on a CPAP and you will no longer spend your nights on the couch.  He will sleep well and wake up happy and you will too.  (PS-CPAP'S are NOT sexy!)

13) Communicate.  We communicate.  We say it all!  Maybe even too much!  I'm learning how to communicate in a way that isn't hurtful and doesn't include yelling.  (Hence the emails and/or letters.)

These are only a few of the things I've learned in the past 13 years! I think we have come a long way!  We've made it this far!  Here's to eternity!        

Something New

Several weeks ago I had the opportunity to go on a girls weekend getaway with my mother-in-law and 3 of my sister-in-laws!  The hubby's graciously (ha ha) stayed home with the children.  We joked that it would have been fun to be a fly on the wall to see how they managed.  My hub seemed to manage just fine.  Moose told him he was "the best cooker!"  When I asked the hubs what he served him for dinner he said, "I buttered and toasted his hot dog bun, grilled him a hot dog and sliced up fresh kiwi, apples, and bananas."  Who would complain about that?  Not me.  Unless of course I didn't like hot dogs.  Even if that were the case the fact that the bun was lightly buttered and toasted would have made up for it!  Wouldn't you agree? 

We headed to Park City for a weekend of shopping, vegging, laughing and eating.  My brother-in-law and the baby of the family was nominated and picked to receive the All American Award in Lacrosse which just so happened to be presented to him in Park City!  Could things have worked out any more perfect?  I think not!  And so we were able to be there to watch him play in the All Star Game and then receive his award the following night.  We are so proud of him!  He is such a great kid and uncle.  Our kids are sure going to miss their Uncle T as he heads of to West Point in a few weeks from now.

Jen, Me, Shawna, Kelly, MIL Cindy, Baby bro Tory, and FIL Lynn.  Would you believe I started dating my hubs when Tory was 2?  Crazy!!!

Here we are at the Wasatch Brew Pub in Park City.  If you're wondering where to eat in Park City try this place and the Loco Lizard if you like Mexican food.  (Which btw is my favorite.  My husband is convinced that I should have been born a Mexican!)  

 Jenn, Me, Cindy, Shawna, Kelly

I had quite a few "FIRSTS" for me on this little trip and I thought that it would work to share it as my "Something New" for the week. 

My sis-in-law introduced me to a new food that has quickly become a favorite for me and now even the kids. Have you ever tried Laughing Cow Cheese?  If you haven't you should!  It is so good.  And the best part is it is only 35 calories per wedge.  We use it on bagels, wheat thins and even veggies.  It's quite tasty.  Kam and Moose will open a package and it's gone after only dipping 3 crackers!  I have only tried the Original Swiss flavor so that is the only one I can recommend.  And another tip from my SIL was to buy it at Sam's Club to get the most bang for your buck!

Our next new discovery on this vacay was this:

Does that say no sugar added you ask? Why yes!  Yes it does!  Oh...and why hot cocoa in May?  Well...ummm...we live in the land of snow and bitter cold weather that drags on and on and on and on!!!  Are we all on diets and crazy health nuts?  Not really but we are all trying to improve and eat better.  (Trying being the key word as I eat a stack of reduced fat oreos washed down with a Diet Coke.  I make no sense even to myself!)  My point is....this hot chocolate is delightful and is only 50 calories a serving.  Try it the next time the temperature drops below 30.  Which in our case could be tomorrow!

The next item isn't exactly new to me but I have only tried it once and it was a teeny tiny taste.  Even still I was sold.  If you really know me you're going to die because again...it's something healthy!  (Healthy and Tristin do not go hand in hand.  Seriously they don't.  You have no idea how big of a challenge it is for me to eat good!)  But this stuff is good.  Even the Moose Man liked it!  (Who am I kidding?  He eats anything!)   I have only tried the vanilla flavor but have heard that the chocolate is quite tasty.  That will be my next attempt!

For breakfast we were able to cook in the condo that we stayed in.  We decided to go with something filling, quick, and easy.  My SIL suggested egg sandwiches on bagels with turkey bacon.  And FYI-turkey bacon is really good too!  But here is the NEW catch.  Did you know you could cook an egg in the microwave?  Yep!  You can!  My SIL proved it!  Crack an egg or 2 or even some egg whites in a microwave safe mug.  Spray the mug with cooking spray first.  Stir with a fork.  Microwave for 60 to 75 seconds and watch it rise until it almost overflows over the cup.  It won't though!  Let your kids watch.  They'll think it's really cool!  It was so good and super filling!  (Oh...and spread some of that laughing cow cheese on your bagel and egg sandwich.  Yum!)

Me, SIL Jenn, and SIL Kelly

One night we rented a movie, ate our healthy snacks and kicked it.  I loved, loved, loved the movie we rented.  Have you seen this?  It was so cute, funny and sad all wrapped into one perfect chick flick!  Rent it now!

And last but not least....I bought something NEW!  I bought quite a few things that were new but I really splurged this time!  Again...if you know me well I'm cheap.  I shop the clearance racks and I love a good sale!  I'm certainly not Miss Money Bags so I like to stretch my dollar as far as I can.  One of my sisters once said that even if I was filthy rich I would still probably shop the clearance racks and have a hard time spending money.  She's right!  And to make things clear I don't have a hard time spending money.  I have a hard time spending money on a pair of jeans that cost more then $30 bucks!  Or buying a pair of shorts for a 6 year old that costs more than $10.  It sounds pathetic doesn't it?  Maybe it is but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do in these economic times.  Blah! Blah! Blah!  So what did I buy new you ask?  Better yet what didn't we buy?

I bought new pants, flip flops, swimsuit and a bra.  But the real "out of my element" purchase was a....hold onto your seats....a hat!  Oh my!  I know.  I'm a loser!  But I see all these girls around wearing hats and I think they look cute and I wanted to try it too.  Not to mention I get sick and tired of doing my hair every single day!  Every girl deserves a hat day every once in awhile!  

And although I may not be as trendy as all the other mom's out there at least I tried something new and I'm proud of that!

(Want to know what I did that was NOT new?  I said something stupid!  I tried to tell everyone that I don't know how to curl my hair with the Wii!  Idiot!  I DO know the difference!  I know that a Wii is NOT a tool used for doing hair and a flat iron is NOT for playing Mario Cart!)

Come back again for Something Borrowed!   

Remembering Grandma

Today I'm thinking of my Grandma Lois.  It's her birthday today.  She would have turned 89.  I think of her often and I miss her too but it doesn't make me sad.  Why?  Because I believe she's happy where she's at.  I also believe I will see her again someday and that makes me smile too!  Until then these are the things that I think of when I think about Grandma Lois:

-Jergens Cherry Almond lotion

-Scented candles burning in her house at ALL times

-Her tan legs, painted toenails and flip flops

-Sitting in HER chair reading a novel and drinking a Diet Coke or Pepsi

-going to her house on Sundays and eating Lucky Charms but mainly eating the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms

-Pepperidge Farm Goldfish

-Homemade Reuben Sandwiches (No one made them as good as she did)

-Helping her make her bed as she got older and how she wanted the bedspread put on a certain way by following the seam in the bedspread.  I never could figure out what in the hell she was talking about.

-Easter egg hunts

-She called my daughter Kami which is NOT her name.  Kam Bam aka Kami still remembers.

-Perfume

- Her fridge was ALWAYS stocked with soda and her cupboards full of cookies and candy

-Easter candy served at Christmas and Christmas candy served at Easter

-Her frail weak hands that couldn't even button up her own shirt

-Toaster Ovens

-Vacuums

-Clip on earrings (Which by the way my sister took to a bead shop and they turned her clip on earrings into rings for each of the granddaughters.  Brilliant!  Love mine!  And very vintage!)

-She always had gum in her purse.

-Taking her to JC Penney and then stopping for an Orange Julius and french fries

-Lunch breaks at her house during work

-Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners and her homemade pumpkin pie and mince meat. (Yucky mince meat.)

-Nagging and scolding grandpa
-crocheted covered hangers
-showing me as a kid how to make a pocket out of a paper napkin so I could fill it with snacks and goodies
-one of these cup dispensers in her downstairs bathroom

-ballet house slippers

-Ice cream and otter pops

-basketball games and pool

-picnics on the patio

-bike rides to her house from Providence to Logan and then hoping someone would drive us home

-her generous gifts and willingness to help her children and grandchildren

-Magazines to read on our Sunday visits

-Playing Guess Who, Go Fish, and Old Maid

These are the memories that I keep and cherish in my heart of my grandma.  One of my most special memories was being able to visit her as she was ill and dying in the hospital.  It may sound weird and a bit morbid but there was such a peaceful feeling during those times.  I'll never forget visiting her with my cousin about a month before she passed.  If I remember correctly she was on oxygen at the time and very difficult to understand.  I remember her saying something along the lines that we were "her girls."  And we were.  We did what we could to help her and serve her because she did so much for us and all her family.

 

On Halloween Day 2009 while surrounded by her family she peacefully passed away.  We each took a turn telling her we loved her and then my grandpa told her she could go and she did.  We were sad.  We cried.  And now we remember, laugh and celebrate her life.  Whenever I eat ice cream with the Magic Shell ice cream topping I think of Grandma.  When I wear my clip on earring ring I think of her.  When Kam plays dress up with one of her purses and I get a whiff of her perfume I'm reminded of Grandma.  When I sit on the bar stools in my kitchen that she sat on in her kitchen I think of her.  When I cook pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches on her griddle I crave one of her Reuben's.  When the kids and I play her Guess Who game I remember the hours spent at her house.  The memories flow vividly through my mind and her legacy lives on.

I love you grandma!